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The Hell is Over

August 3, 2009

     First of all, that’s Fantastic Four #569, not 469.  Twits.  At long last, the mind-bendingly horrible final storyline of Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch’s run on this series is over.  And for all intents and purposes, aside from the plot and that atrocious cover, neither of them even worked on this issue.  Instead, Millar’s collaborator, Joe Ahearne, wrote the script, and Stuart Immonen did the art.  Stuart is a good artist, but it’s frustrating that these guys can’t even have the self-respect to finish their own storyline.  Anyway, Mr. Fantastic’s back.  The F4 realize that it’s him, and the Thing decides to go kill Clyde Wyncham to stop the Marquis of Death and his army of Fantastic Fours.  Reed and Valeria work on creating a technological deus ex machina, and Clyde convinces the Thing to let him help.  Clyde and the Marquis “duke” it out, and the F4 use the deus ex machina to drain all the alternate universe people’s powers and use them to defeat the Marquis.  In the end, his apprentice reveals himself as Dr. Doom, who survived the megalodons and all those millennia by the sheer force of his malice.  The Marquis is dead, Dr. Doom has a pointless power-up, and now he claims he doesn’t care about Reed anymore.  Then, the Thing decides that he can’t marry Debbie Green because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she died.  So she, as a character, served no purpose.  There’s some moments that are supposed to be sad, and it’s over.

     Holy crap, this was crap.  The whole last issue fell apart even more than the previous ones.  This was one of the single worst issues of a comic book I’ve ever read.  The Marquis of Death and Clyde Wyncham were pointless characters that ultimately served no lasting purpose, and now Dr. Doom is more powerful, even though that doesn’t seem to be reflected in any of the other Marvel series.  And seriously?  “I survived because I hate him so much?”  That’s just stupid writing.  The only thing worse than killing off Dr. Doom in that manner was pretending to kill him off in that manner because Millar didn’t have the guts to actually do anything that meant anything.  And the whole wedding thing was stupid.  For one, Spider-Man’s identity is in the closet again, so I don’t know how anyone knew that he loved Gwen Stacy.  Then, I think the mysterious fourth person is Bruce Banner.  But that subplot served no purpose, since Ben hasn’t changed at all as a character.  In fact, all he did was cause this woman grief.  And the very idea that Ben would say that he’s not much of a hero is so idiotic.  Ben is probably the biggest hero of the Fantastic Four, and the idea that he would be willing to kill Clyde is just a bad attempt at creating conflict.  Stuart Immonen’s pencils were fine, but goodness knows that his talents were wasted.  At least we don’t have to read anymore of this waste of paper.  Jonathan Hickman is coming to save the day from Mark Millar’s all style writing style, and everything will be fine once more.  We can pretend like none of this ever happened, since, aside from the new costumes, no other series seems to care about it.

Plot: 1.5      Art: 8.8      Dialogue: 1.2      Overall: 1.5

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